Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Pick-up lines for Muslim Martyrs

Sahih Muslim: Book 020, Number 4705:
It has been narrated on the authority of Abu Huraira that the, Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: While a man walks along a path, finds a thorny twig lying on the way and puts it aside, Allah would appreciate it and forgive him. The Holy Prophet (may peace be upon him) said: The martyrs are of five kinds: one who dies of plague; one who dies of diarrhoea (or cholera) ; one who is drowned; one who is buried under debris and one who dies fighting in the way of Allah.

The quran promises 72 virgins for a Muslim martyr (which Allah's Apostle defined above). Their are many questions that need to be answered concerning 72 virgins ( As well, it should be noted that Allah's Apostle was truly a forward thinker, an innovater as he changed the meaning of martyr from the western understanding where it is a victim who is either: "a person who voluntarily suffers death as the penalty of witnessing to and refusing to renounce a religion" or "a person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principle"

But, in Allah's Apostle's infinite sexual superiority over all people (like his sexual strength of 30 men - []) Allah's Apostle (SAW) did not tell Holy Muslim Martyrs how to approach these hourys.

However, as a favor to all Muslim martyrs, the author of this blog has come up with some conversational lines (pick-up lines) to help get these divine helpers of Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) to break the ice with these ladies with perpetual virginity [unless ofcourse, they were meant to be perpetual virgins and not meant to be conquered by the holy martyrs - now that would be a shock - imagine dying for Allah and his Apostle, promised 72 beautiful perpetual virgins, and they would be perpetual only because you could not touch them? That would be a fate worse than Hell, which coincidentally is where Allah lives, torturing his creation who he pre-destined not to follow him)

1) One who dies of Plague

- I want to go bubonic on yo' ass
- Damn, you know I'm contagious
- Come here girl, it's not like I've got coodies

2) One who dies of diarrhoea (or cholera)

- Hey baby, you know I can't keep my love in when I see you

3) One who is drowned

- Hey sweet thang, I drowned as practice to hold my breath when I get to be with you.

4) One who is buried under debris

- You know, I want to bury my head between your legs (yeah this was dirty, but something Allah's Apostle [may peace be upon him] would enjoy)
- Baby, I love to play hide and seek.

5) One who dies fighting in the way of Allah.

- I'm a lover, not a fighter. Wait take that back, I'm a fighter, not a lover. Wait, that's no good, let's put this way, I'm rough in the sack.
- You know, I'm lke a firecracker, you know I'll explode

Hope these help. Please feel free to send n more suggestions as help for Islamic Martyrs!

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